Fun with phone scammers

So every now and again I get strange 800 numbers calling my cell phone. I don’t answer them, and usually Google the number to see who it was. It turns out a lot of these numbers are confirmed scammers which I find discussions of online. I decided to answer one the other day and mess with him a little bit. Here is what transpired.

Middle Eastern Accent guy: Congratulations sir, you have been chosen to win a free 7 megapixel digital camera and 3 night vacation.

Me: Ok.

Guy: You can fly to your choice of Las Vegas, the Caribbean or the Bahamas. This is all free.

Me: Great!

Guy: Now please hold while I hand you off to my supervisor to get your information

(I can hear people talking in the background at this point.)

New Guy (also with a Middle Eastern accent): Hello sir, congratulations. Could I have your name please?

Me: Jerry.

Guy: (pauses, most likely confused because he expects me to say Andrew Martin) Jerry? Spell for me please?

Me: J-E-R-R-Y. Jerry.

Guy: G-E-R-I?

Me: Uh, yeah sure why not.

Guy: And your last name?

Me: Klausch. I then spell it for him. Totally random name I came up with.

Guy: Sir did you know you are one of six families to be chosen?

Me: Wow! That is…that is something!

Guy: Now in order for us to send you your prize you must pay $1.95 shipping fee. Is that ok?

Me: Ok.

Guy: Please give us your checking account number so that we can bill you and send your prize.

Me: SURE! (He must have been so happy that I was so willing!)

Ok, for this part to be extra funny you must realize that I was thinking about the Spaceballs scene where he reads off the password for the airlock to Druidia. “That’s amazing, that’s the same combination I have on my luggage!”

Guy: Ok sir please read to me your checking account number.

Me: Ok. 1…2…3…4…

Guy: *interrupts me* Please do not make fun with me ok? What is the number??

Me: Hey, I wasn’t finished you didn’t even let me finish!?

Guy: Ok, continue please.

Me: …5…6…7...8

Guy: *interrupts me again* Sir Do you have a check available? Just read for me all the numbers on the bottom of the check.

Me: (sounding clueless) All of the numbers?

Guy: All of them please, yes.

Me: (I pull out a check so I can give him the correct amount of numbers so he thinks it’s real). Ok, it says 1…2…3…4. Then there is a space…

Guy: Ok keep going.

Me: 5…6….7…8…9...1…0…1…1…1…2…1…3...1...4….Then there is another space and four more numbers. I think that’s the check number, do you want those numbers too?

Guy: Yes please.

Me: Ok they say 1234. (LOL)

Guy: Ok can you please tell me the name of your bank?

Me: Certainly. My bank is The First Bank of Bubkins. (Bubkins is a name Anna calls me, haha)

Guy: Bubkins? Can you spell that?

Me: *spells bubkins*

Guy: First Bank of Bubkins. Ok. And where is your bank located?

Me: It’s in …..Anchorage…..Tennessee.

Guy: Anchorage, Tennessee. Ok can you please hold?

Me: SURE I CAN!

*2 minutes go by*

Guy: *in an angry tone* Please do not make fun with me anymore.

Me: This entire time we have been on the line we were tracing your call. I am (I say some random name) of the FBI. We are on route to your location now.

*Guy starts yelling not sure what he’s saying*

Me: Why don’t you take that turban off your head and wrap it around your ****ing neck?

Guy (yelling): I invite you! I invite you! (I guess he means “I challenge you” or something along those lines).

I then told him to call anytime. He hung up.

LOL silly towelies!